12.30.13 Ups and Downs

So my last treatment was December 24, Tuesday. I'm almost a week out. It's the middle of the night. Durning my treatment weeks I sleep alot, then a little less and and litttle less until I feel pretty back to normal. Right now I'm feeling okay. Kinda glad to be awake while it is quiet and I can hear my thoughts. I go through these fazes at night as I head to sleep, do I want to sleep? Do I want to stay awake? My body is so drained. Mornings (and I know I have said this before) are the best. I have coffee, feel practically normal. My treatment plans were to end mid January. This may change. I've come to realize that and accept it. I can only do, what I can only do today. And at this moment that is to blog, maybe search the internet and enjoy this moment that I have now. I've been thinking about New Years Resolutions and for me this year, I'm going to do two things. Each month I'm going to try something new. Something that I've always wanted to and I want to give back if I can. The second thing is, I"m going to give up saying "Whatever, I don't care" instead I will replace it with, "Ok, God, I trust you. Show me what to do. I have a ton of craft projects and a few other posts to catch up on. Love you. Love me. Love you. Love me.

12.28.13~~ 15 Years of Weddded Bliss

15 years ago, we were young and wild and free. We wanted something, something in life, we were tired of looking. I personally decided to give up and let the wind take me. Bill was standing there. We now wonder how in the world two totally different people could get along and would we make it? We knew we weren't going to be a statistic. We knew we had to make it. I was madly in love. There was something in him, something that told me, He was going to keep me safe. Something told me, he was going to fight with me and for me. Something said He wouldn't give up on me. And He hasn't. There have been many times we wanted to give up, from field assignments, colicky babies, moves, finances personal struggles, the death of several of my family members and cancer. But He has been here. Not out of his own will and strength, but only by the grace of God. I hold his hand not just for strength, but to give strength. I hold his hand so we can hold each other up. I love him so much and he is truly a gift of God...

Love you, love me, love you, love me

12.10.13 Up and Downs

So for the last few weeks as I mentioned on facebook, I have had some real ups and downs. Which for this time of year, might be normal for me, but add to that the stress of chemotherapy treatments, living very far away from my sisters, brother and dad and coming up on the closing of this chapter of my life (TWO TREATMENTS LEFT!) But yesterday and even this morning I am feeling as if I am coming out of it. I feel more happier and alive then in weeks. I am living in the moment and in this day. I am seeking and finding the little everyday blessings. Starting back at the beginning to start the beginning of this new chapter. Coming out of being a cancer patient and learning a new normal. I'm not 100% physically back and I am anxious to get back to working out, cooking dinner every night, running my kids around and keeping busy, but I am also learning my normal will be new. I will come out of this different, stronger. I will learn when to be still. When to lay in the hammock of God's love, woven in the trust I have in Him. He will care for me physically, this I have learned and now I'm learning He will care for me emotionally, mentally and as a constant companion. I am blessed to have my kids and Bill as they patiently walk me through this. Love you, love me, love you, love me.

12.6.13 Blessed today

Ah, finally back to the blog!4 AM a good night's rest. Chemo on Tuesday, so today is Friday and hopes and love are high! Ah, to see what the day will become! I have friends coming to visit this weekend and this is good. I am blogging and this is good. Had a few rough weeks in there, but I'm hanging in there. Learning to overcome adversitites and challenges. It looks as though I may have2 more treatments. WOW! But I'm promising to look only at today and this moment. And right here at this moment. I am blessed!Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad. Love you, love me, love you, love me!