So this isn't going to be a depressing post, just something I was thinking about RIGHT as I lay down to sleep.
I have several friendships right now that are 9in my opinion) shattered. Right there in the middle of my path. Some of them a million pieces, some just a few. As I look at them I think, how do I fix this? Then I remember that I am suppose to be looking at my part of the street. I'm supposed to be focused on my side of the street. So what to do with these pieces. I have a few choices. I can sweep them up and set them aside to throw away, I can sweep them up and hand them over to my higher power, Only He can fix them or replace them or fix me to no longer need them. So that is what I will do. Trust that these will be moved and they are being taken care of. I hope this doesn't sound harsh to anyone. Just a thought I had to get out before I head to bed.
Today was my kids first day back at school, and as much as I thought I was looking forward to it, I also missed them very much. They give me life and energy each day to get up and accomplish tasks that a mother can do. Tasks that I truly love to do, how blessed I am to sign up for volleyball, cook dinner, Kiss owwies and make sure they are safe. I love you, all 4 of you my little ones!
Love you, love me, love you, love me!
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Saturday, January 3, 2015
1.3.14 New Year, New...
I kind of like to think of Monday's as my new year. Or the first of the month, or I don't know, just about ANY reason to start a new. Because if you are breathing you can start new anything in the next breath. On of the many lessons I learned from Al-Anon and Celebrate Recovery.
I started Al-Anon two months after my mom passed away. My life was unmanageable at that point. I kept trying the same things and getting the same result, nowhere. Today I am so greatful for these/ those lessons and I am in such a different place. But still breathing and ready to start something new!
I don't talk a whole lot about medications I'm on, my faux pas I guess. At one time I've been on like 7 meds and taking 10-12 pills a day. Craptacular. I HATE medication. I have a SERIOUS phobia of meds and becoming an addict. Recently I have been living with pain rather than taking medication. One of the chemo drugs I'm on causes serious joint aches, but there is no telling how long I will be on this drug so I refuse to take pain meds cause I just don't want to be on it for the rest of my life. I am moving more and trying herbal remedies. Soon I hope to be back to acupuncture, massage therapy and to see the chiropracter. I also have been suffering from anxiouty and that causes muscles to tense up and yeah. I think, and if I can complain for a minute, the worst part is, some meds I have to take in the morning and make me drowsy so I HAVE to take a nap before lunch. If I take these meds at night they counteract with my sleeping meds. Let me explain, you know how some people if they take too much of a relaxing med it has the opposite effect? That's me. WITH ANY kind of medication. So I have to weigh pros and cons with every medicine. So normally not really a huge deal, but with it being Christmas break, I want to spend awake hours with my family even though I do have teenagers who have CRAZY hours.
In hindsight, this is a good complaint. I think I'd rather complain about this than major stuff :)
So, my son spent half of winter break with my sister in Fairbanks and he came home today. Ah I am so glad to have him home! It's hard to believe it's Saturday, it feels like I've been living on the weekend for the last two weeks!
I suppose this is the point where I list my New Year Resolutions. My first is to live EACH day, EACH day and not to try and live tomorrow, today or to try and re-live yesterday. Live in the moment. I also want to say as I do and do as I say. These can sound so very vague so to be more accurate, I want to answer my phone more and not try and avoid people. I want to make it to church EVERY Sunday. This to me is part of living as I say I am. In the past few years I have missed a lot of church and I don't want that to be the case anymore. I believe church isn't a place just to "get something", but a place to "give part of me". I would like to volunteer or give of myself somewhere different every month. I want to try something new every month, a craft, volunteer work, a baked goodie, a book, something. And lastly, I want to learn to speak french. Voila! J'adore moi, j'adore vous, j'adore moi, j'adore vous!
I started Al-Anon two months after my mom passed away. My life was unmanageable at that point. I kept trying the same things and getting the same result, nowhere. Today I am so greatful for these/ those lessons and I am in such a different place. But still breathing and ready to start something new!
I don't talk a whole lot about medications I'm on, my faux pas I guess. At one time I've been on like 7 meds and taking 10-12 pills a day. Craptacular. I HATE medication. I have a SERIOUS phobia of meds and becoming an addict. Recently I have been living with pain rather than taking medication. One of the chemo drugs I'm on causes serious joint aches, but there is no telling how long I will be on this drug so I refuse to take pain meds cause I just don't want to be on it for the rest of my life. I am moving more and trying herbal remedies. Soon I hope to be back to acupuncture, massage therapy and to see the chiropracter. I also have been suffering from anxiouty and that causes muscles to tense up and yeah. I think, and if I can complain for a minute, the worst part is, some meds I have to take in the morning and make me drowsy so I HAVE to take a nap before lunch. If I take these meds at night they counteract with my sleeping meds. Let me explain, you know how some people if they take too much of a relaxing med it has the opposite effect? That's me. WITH ANY kind of medication. So I have to weigh pros and cons with every medicine. So normally not really a huge deal, but with it being Christmas break, I want to spend awake hours with my family even though I do have teenagers who have CRAZY hours.
In hindsight, this is a good complaint. I think I'd rather complain about this than major stuff :)
So, my son spent half of winter break with my sister in Fairbanks and he came home today. Ah I am so glad to have him home! It's hard to believe it's Saturday, it feels like I've been living on the weekend for the last two weeks!
I suppose this is the point where I list my New Year Resolutions. My first is to live EACH day, EACH day and not to try and live tomorrow, today or to try and re-live yesterday. Live in the moment. I also want to say as I do and do as I say. These can sound so very vague so to be more accurate, I want to answer my phone more and not try and avoid people. I want to make it to church EVERY Sunday. This to me is part of living as I say I am. In the past few years I have missed a lot of church and I don't want that to be the case anymore. I believe church isn't a place just to "get something", but a place to "give part of me". I would like to volunteer or give of myself somewhere different every month. I want to try something new every month, a craft, volunteer work, a baked goodie, a book, something. And lastly, I want to learn to speak french. Voila! J'adore moi, j'adore vous, j'adore moi, j'adore vous!
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