5.30.12 Mom's Group

Baked bread for group

So, tonight I met with a young mom's group. Just a few of us. We're doing a study on being/ living all that God has intended for us. Tonight's lesson was being an "Heiress". I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around that, but I will continue to pray and find my way into being the "Heiress" I am called to be. I already am one. I don't need to try, I don't have to dress, act, fix my hair and make-up, or decorate my house a certain way. I already am an Heiress. It's like being born Athabascan, nothing makes me more or less. I live it and am blessed. Thanks for reading folks, love you, love me, love you, love me.

5.29.12 A Day with the Hubby

I'm trying not to compare myself to others, when I do that (referring to blog), I tend to not blog. Don't get me wrong, I love to write, love to tell my story. I just tend to get down on myself, then not do it. The whole green house topple for instance, I didn't even go INTO the green house or the yard for that matter today. Just so upset about last night. And tonight a peek at another person's blog and that's got me down about this one. I guess I just see room for improvement? Or I'm a perfectionist? Or I'm a control freak? Something. Honest. That's what I'm being now, so that's got to count for something. I need to get back to my place of confidence in myself and belief that I am good enough, smart enough and doggone-it, people like me. I need to get back to loving me. I lost that. I'm pretty sure I can pinpoint where I place it and I'll pick it back up. In the mean time, I love my short, sweet blogs, love you, love me, love you, love me.

5.20.12 Minto Vacation

I really truly cannot believe I am in Minto. I made this list, my bucket list of sorts, and Minto was on there. For 8 years I have been saying I want to go to Minto in the summer and spend time there. It started out a summer, then 1/2 the summer. I will be here a week (I have my house/ chickens/ garden/ bff's/ sisters/ HUSBAND in North Pole.) So I am here with my kiddos and the dog. My plans are to visit the cemetery and plant a rose bush on my mom's gravesite, cook a few GREAT dinners, work at the cafe, spend time with my kids, run, and enjoy life. I will do this, because I've said for YEARS, and I'm tired of talking and not doing. Life is too short. God has plans for me to love Him, to LIVE for Him, and this is what I will do. I love each of you and am saying a prayer for you tonight. Love you, love me, love you, love me.

5.18.12 Jello and the last day of school

We did it! On so many levels! Bill and I made it through this school year. We made it through Billy's grade school years. Today I made Jello for the all school/ end of the year picnic. Jello for a potluck at Bill's work. I also cooked a fish head. Dinner in my kitchen cooked by me ( I smiled and said a thankful prayer with a smile!) I didn't get to spend as much time as I wanted to at home today, but Bill and I had date night. Grocery shopping this time :) Tomorrow the plan is to head to Minto and spend the week there with the kids. Bill has to work. My hope is for rhubarb and more rhubarb! Maybe a late night baseball game, this time I will play and not just watch! I will bring a good book or two (or borrow one from the lodge). I will make a campfire and smell like smoke afterwards. I will relax and enjoy the village life, I will think of my mom and visit her gravesite. I will spend time with my dad and be patient with my uncles. But mostly, mostly I will LIVE and breathe. Life is... that moment when you realize you haven't looked to see what time it is for more than 4 hours and you don't care... love you, love me, love you, love me. (PS, I just noticed I'm looking to tomorrow and feeling blessed living in this moment!)

5.17.12 Garden Start

Today, I planted in the garden. The same garden that was sad and deprecated and worn out last summer. The garden full of leaves and weeds, the fence post falling. A sad little garden it was. I have brought life back into this garden. I cleaned and cleaned and made new posts (very funny btw, old metal fence posts, old two-by-fours, old mop/ broom handle, another old mop/ broom handle, a river stick ( to help steer the boat), a fancy NEW treated 4x 4, an old tree stump). So yeah my little garden is coming to life in a mishmash of sort of ways. But oh, the new life! The new life! I only want to be outside these days, from the chickens and planting, biking, running, playing in the park! I want to be out enjoying God's warmth and creation, HIS NEW LIFE in me. Love you, love me, love you, love me!

5.16.12 A Cold (Rain) Day and S'mores with the kids

So after constantly moving around my yard and being up and around, I have often thought, I'll slow down on a "rain" day. Today was that day. It wasn't rainy. Just chilly. (Keep reading, my day was actually busier than I planned! :) I'm so anxious about planting my veggies in the garden and green house, but after last months jump and then quick death of all my plants, I'm not so sure I want to jump again. I want them to live to thrive, so I wait patiently. The chickens are doing well. One week and they are doing well, eating growing and seem generally happy. I'm happy with that and say a prayer daily for them to lay eggs. Funny the things I worry about, when I just went through the hardest year of my life. I guess I just want life so bad, in everything. I'm composting and recycling, growing and nurturing. Cancer did this to me, and I have to be thankful. I know rough, cold, rain days will come, they have to. To strengthen us, to grow us. And I say, bring it on. BRING IT ON. (I have stuff to do inside on rain days, just like I have stuff in my heart and life I have to work on.) Blessed and love you, love me, love you, love me.
                AhH! Life outside with my kids this evening! Okay, okay lets rewind a bit... Woke up took Bill to work, kids to school. Came home chores (laundry, dishes) started putting the fence up around the coop, decided to wait on Bill. Let the chicks out for a couple of hours whilst a worked a little. School out early for my kids but I thought I would give my neice and nephew Margaret and Joshua a surprise, because my plan was to pick them up early from school and take them to pick up ducks. I didn't get to do that so, what's the next best thing? Lunch from McDonalds that you can eat during regular lunch. Remember those as kids? My family rarely got those. My dad worked up north and my mom being blind it wasn't the easiest thing for her to get. ( She made the BEST pita bread though! Kids and teachers asked for it at school!) So I took my other kids lunch. Then picked up mine, We ran some errands heard about the excitement of the next school year, still can't believe my baby boy will be going into 7th grade next fall! WHAT? Brought the kids home, went to pick up Bill. Came home for dinner, Moose meat with gravy over rice yum! After dinner put the fence around the coop and then off to a campfire. At one point I found just myself and the kids. I smiles, so happy to have the three of them to myself. We chat about school, friends, whatever. And we cook marshmallows and s'mores. We talk about ants and Minto and growing up. I asked about the summer before and if daddy did this alot with them. Yes, he did, especially at the end of summer. I ask if we'll be tired of s'mores in August. "NO WAY!" vows BJ. Well we'll have to wait and see, but I doubt I could ever forget no less be tired of campfires and smores with my 3 beautiful kids...

5.15.12 Softball?

I can't believe this. I really truely cannot! I played softball this evening. I PLAYED softball. Now first of all, anyone who knows me, knows that I'm not an outdoors/ sports type of person. I like camping with the family a few times every summer. I liked cheering in high school, (Minto school, so it wasn't like formal or anything), I also enjoyed biking around University West in grade school. But NO sports for me. I don't even like to watch them on TV. Bill on the other hand, very athletic, loves anything that has to do with sports, hunting, fishing whatever. So last winter as I lay in bed all summer I got one of those crazy "Rhonda" thoughts in my head. Now again for those that know me well, I get ideas and LOVE to plan the elaborate details in my head then jump ship about 3 seconds into it. Anyhoo, back to softball. So I get this idea, I could play softball. I've watched enough, I've even kept score in Minto for baseball games. I could do this. I could play with Bill and we could go every week and bring the kids and, and, and. So then I find myself (MYSELF) walking out onto the field where I know one person (my bff Loren) and I'm trying to catch this crazy ball from the air. I'm hitting it with a bat (I LOVE the sound of the CRAAACK!)! and I'm doing this. Mind you my first practice, three seconds in might be in three weeks, but still I said I would and I am. I'm meeting new people, I'm out of the house and I am LIVING! Life is...that moment when the softball hits the metal bat and craaaack, I hit the ball for the first time in...years. Love you, love me, love you, love me.

5.14.12 Another Cookout?

So after literally 4 nights of cookouts, tonight a night off. I had to call my sister and say, "you're not coming over for the cookout?"
So tonight, the chicken coop is bothering me. I really want a fence around it and get this thing going. I've been outside most of the day cleaning the garden. Billy and I fixed the fence, this crazy thing has like 12 posts and only 2 sets of them are the same. Too funny, but at the end of a sweaty, dirty day, I feel like I've worked and that's all that matters. That and I can look out my window and smile. I cried this morning as I look out there. I am so proud of how far God as brought me. HE did this, cause there's no way I could've done it alone. I spent many days in bed, wishing I could be out in my garden and today I was and how blessed I feel. Love you, love me, love you, love me.

5.13.12 Spiritually Struggling

So, I know when I started this I promised myself I was going to be honest, with my past, my present and how I feel. So first, some of my posts I actually put in at a later date, but remain true to my feelings at the time. Secondly, I miss a few of my friends that are no longer at my church. I know things change, people change, people move. I know that I too must change and move. It's just difficult to grow and change and feel discouraged at things around me that are not moving at the pace I think or want. It then occurred to me, what if God wants me to have more than one friend? What if God's plans are for me to wait on the Lord? I struggle with going to church without having someone to touch base with outside of church. All of these feelings of missing my friends (whom are also mothers) and on Mother's Day make me feel a little craptastic. I have to say I am very blessed to have sisters who live so very close and I am able to lean to them.
I feel a leaning towards needing to be friends with those who I fellowship with outside of Sunday mornings. But I think my I need to put myself out there and stop expecting others to come to my rescue. So I will put myself out there and I will show myself to be friendly and I will do it in God's timing. This, all in all means, if you are my friend outside of church and you are looking for a church, I'm looking for more "church friends". Come to my church, sit by me. I need you, it's not so much about me wanting you to come to church to be churched, but me wanting you to come to church and know that you will have a friend. Love you, love me, love you, love me.