1.20.13 In Good times and Bad

So it's been very difficult to put into words my feelings lately. On bad days, I'm scared they won't end, on good days, I'm scared they will end. Lately, I've been having good days. Crappy chemo over, YES! CT scan clear, YES!
Today I was reminded of a time right after I was diagnosed this second time. I was having a rough night. A hot flash, night sweats. I was in the middle of sleep. I raised my hands, praise. Praise. Praise. Then, fell back asleep. Today driving to my sisters I was listening to music, feeling, WONDERFUL, Praise. Praise, praise. This is what it is like to worship God through the good and the bad. To be content in all things. I am so blessed! Love you, love me, love you, love me!

1.4.13 ?

Not sure what to call this post. Spent most of the day, nearly all of today in bed, sleeping or just laying here. It's difficult at times. But I am determined to live however God has enabled me to. There is a scripture that says "Be Still". So today that is what I have done. I have a confession. I haven't gone to church in months. That is one of my New Years Resolutions to get back into church. But for today, I will live one day at a time...

1.3.13 Round 5 of 6 Getting Real

Time to get back to being real. I haven't posted in a month. Scared of feeling, scared of falling. I want so badly to avoid the negative I don't allow myself to feel it and let it out. But I can't go backward, I can only let go. It was rough. I didn't want to finish. I wanted to give up, and I kept quiet, but no more. I made it! I made it from reading posts, looking a pictures, planning times and Christmas, and I made it with God's help an it was GLORIOUS! Today. I got home from Anchorage, my aunty and uncle picked me up from the airport what a blessing to spend time with them! I slept off and on and I usually do the day after chemo. I feels good to sleep during the day. Eliza climbed in bed with me before I napped. The older ones let me hug and hold them as long as I wanted. The cat ate tuna from me, my hubby checked in on me and my daddy asked how I was doing. I can have a crappy day or month, acknowledge it, let it go and find something positive. BLESSED at the end. BLESSED!