As most of you know I grew up in the Interior of Alaska and a bit north. My father worked on the North Slope of Alaska, and our family for some time had lived in "State camps". These were set up for guys who lived on the slope for their families to be closer to them. We moved to Fairbanks when I was in the first grade. So this leads me to tell you of my extensive knowledge about COLD, DARK WINTERS. In Fairbanks it can get -30 or colder. This usually lasts anywhere from a couple of days to a week. Now the dark. We start losing day light and in December/ January it's not uncommon for most people to go to work before the sun rises and drive home after the sunsets. Please don't let any of this deter you from visiting our state in the winter. Yes, cold, yes, dark. But there are warm fireplaces to curl up in front of. Books to read, movies to watch. It's all a matter of how you choose to look at it.
After graduating from High School, I spent one winter with my Aunty and Uncle and cousins here in Anchorage. From what I remember, it was cold, but more of a bone chilling cold. And it wasn't so cold you couldn't go anywhere. Anchorage is a city. I am saying this because I have lived here for one year and there is more than 1 movie theater and ample places to shop, work, go to school, etc. I enjoyed that winter fondly. I was broke as all get out (college kid broke). My aunt and uncle gave me food, shelter and unconditional love. The movies and McDonald's, wellll that's a different story. Remind me to tell you about my college days.
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| Movie night winter 2013 |
So fast forward many more years. I am in the middle of chemo treatment, and move again to Anchorage from Fairbanks/ North Pole. This time I am married with 3 children it's the middle of summer. Fall comes around and we enroll the kids into school. Everything is VERY different. My kids attended the BEST charter school in Fairbanks. I hate to sound like I'm bragging, but what my kids learned there, really gave them a great start. So Anchorage, bussing, hot lunch, 400+ more students, just very different than what my kids and I were used to. In North Pole my husband and I drove the kids into Fairbanks for school 22+ miles round trip. We packed their lunches pretty much everyday. They had 1/2 day of school EVERY Friday. There was no after school homework club or any clubs unless we made an effort to sign them up (the school focused in on academics). So I had a lot to focus my attentions on in the beginning. Combined with this, Elizabeth was starting in on Kindergarten. We dove head first into the winter. Then Christmas Break. By this point I was missing my kids terribly during the day. I was so ill, and not just physically ill but PHYSICALLY TIRED. Going downstairs to get something to eat took HUGE effort. Mornings I was so sick and evenings my joints ached. I have to hand it to my kids. They came home everyday after school to check on me and tell me how they're day went. Most days I tried to be at the door to greet them, I hated them seeing me sick. It was during this time I just COULD NOT let people see me this way, so shut-in I was. If it weren't for the grace that abounds all and God sending me a friend who loved me through it, I really don't know where I would be right now. (Love you KC.)(Thank you CM and MM) After my kids went back to school in January, I hit a huge wall. I began staying in bed, more and more. I could feel myself fading away. Then the straw that broke me. Someone said something mean to me on Facebook. They didn't know what I was going through, had no idea. So I shut it down. My link to the outside world. I cut the ties. I started to look for ways to get out. Nothing gave me the craving I was looking for. I wanted to be surrounded, yet all alone. I wanted to be needed, yet I refused to give of my time to anyone else. Then it was as if I had this moment, aha! I'm not alone. I just think I'm alone. I just think I'm ALL alone here fighting. But I wasn't. See my FAITH, GOD was with me the whole time. I didn't explode into reading my Bible or praying. I just realized He is my friend, when I am unfriendly. I had plenty of friends I wouldn't let in. But I let Him in. I RECOGNIZED He is with me, always has been.
And now summer. I am enjoying my summer break with my kids. I am doing laundry and washing dishes, cooking dinner and driving. Driving my van. AND I AM BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE! More on this to come later. Thanks for reading and sticking with me my friends! Love you~Love me~Love you~ Love me!
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