8.13.14 Perfect

First all, I have something to say. I don't want to take the spotlight off of my wonderful husband, I love you, my love. I want to be a better wife, I want to be awesome for you, because you, you are my more than I could ask for or possibly imagine. You are my gift from God above. I love you and Happy Birthday.

I'm not perfect. I am not even close. I would be quick to say I don't deserve half of what I have been given, but God has forgiven me and given to me, so then I am worth it, He MADE me worth it. There are times when I find it so very hard to forgive myself. I think back to times when I went so wrong, with my words, my actions, my everything. But if I stay too long in the past, I start to believe that's who I am today. I AM NOT. Let me say that again. I AM NOT WHO I WAS IN THE PAST. I am not who I was yesterday. Yesterday green was my favorite color, today orange. I liked hummus yesterday, today I don't. Yesterday I yelled at my kids, today I didn't. I am ever, EVER growing, changing into a new creature, the old is past away. Like an coat filled with holes and rips, I threw it off, I put on something new. I don't see the fine threads coming loose, because this one feels, looks, smells so new to me. And then I put my hand in the pocket or I hear a tear, now I have the option of throwing that one off or letting the rips, tears, holes get bigger. Once in awhile someone will say "hey the girl with the torn-to-shreds coat". I say "Yeah that was me." Sometimes I think, because I wore that coat so long that I am still wearing it. It's then I reply, "Crap, I look terrible. I act terrible. I am terrible???" I walk back to places that I wore that old coat. I sing lonesome songs, I cry bitter tears, tears that I ONCE cried. Sometimes I need a friend to shake me, a sister to hold me, remind me of who I AM. Today, I am a mom who took her kids out for pizza for the only reason that today was their last day of summer. Then we went for ice-cream. Today I was a mom, a great mom. Today I got my husband a birthday cake and ice-cream, today I was a great wife. Today I shared with my sister and cried to my dad. Today I was a great sister and daughter. Today and this moment I am a beautiful, STRONG woman. I am a woman of God and no old coats can tell me I'm not. Worn-out garments cannot tell me that I am not worth anything just because I'm not perfect. I'm glad I'm not perfect, because that means I have more to learn, more to hear, to speak, to become. I will end with this...
A friend told me once you have to constantly be moving forward, if you stop don't stay in that place too long because then you will start to go backward. Keep moving forward.
Today, tonight I move forward...
Love you, love me, love you, love me.

Imperfect me!