10.27.11 Chemo and Test results

I had a friend once tell me about a revelation SHE had. God had given her insight into the love chapter in the Bible. God told her to replace the word LOVE with her name. (We are told to be love...so made sense to me) She read the chapter replacing the word LOVE with her name, then she re-read with my name. At the time I cried and cried and cried, I saw, SHE loved me, GOD loved me and I was worth it. It was very early in my learning stages of loving myself. Since then I have had other very precious people come into my life and teach me that I'm worth it (you know who you are!). I've also had memories of friends and reconnections on fb to remind me that I am loved (you know who YOU are!) I also have met NEW friends in my journey though Breast Cancer who have shown me LOVE and that I am worth it! God has also shown me relationships that deserve restoration and renewal and given me VERY patient friends and family! So now the scripture,

1 Corinthians 13

 ¹ If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
 ⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
 ⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
 ¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

So now my latest test results, I went in for surgery and preliminary results showed no cancer, however more "stuff" was found. It was tested and sent to the MAYO clinic for final results. The results have made it back and it is Invasive Lobular Carcinoma. Cancer, more. (*sigh*) Tears sting my eyes. I was hoping with a mastectomy (removal of the breast) I would not have to do Radiation. But with these results, I will have to do radiation. It's hard to imagine, more. I told my dad it feels like one step back, but I have to, in order to take two steps forward. How do I tell my kids? I tell my husband I am tired. Tired of being sick. I want normal. I cry and release. Then I pick myself up, realize all I have to be thankful for (they found this today and not 6 months or a year from now). I have a husband who cooks, cleans, laundry, carpool, cheers me up, grounds me, holds me, listens, he's my nurse and confidant, my friend and ally, he's in this with me for better or worse, richer or poorer in sickness and in health. I am so grateful and I am going to make it though this. I am going to have grand kids and I am going to laugh! God has a plan, and I don't know what that plan is exactly, but He's bringing me, my husband, kids, DAD, sisters, and brothers through. I know that YOU are going though this with me! I know by your love. I feel it everyday! Love you, love me, love you, love me!
(PS, I Corinthians 13:7  LOVE (RHONDA) always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.)