I had a whole theme going earlier. I had it all typed out in my mind. I knew exactly what I was going to say, then I got sucked into Pinterest and the rest is history.
So something I don't talk much about, would be about finances. But this is an area in which I have been learning to deal with pretty much all my life. Now combine finances with control and always wanting to control it. Now throw in a marriage and a little thing we call a mortgage and kids and WOW! (Not to mention that whole cancer thing) So reflecting back to my last post, my job is to fight cancer. Part of fighting cancer is to think positively. To be positive to not get down on myself or others. This is TOTALLY a marathon, because at first you know, I was all gung ho. I mean I was ready. I put on the running shoes, laced them up and started I was smiling waving at all my cheerleaders. (Fists-pumping-ready) Now I'm like okay, now what? Now where? Now who? I'm actually kinda walk/ running looking around. I start to pick up other "jobs", maybe before I'm suppose to or not at all. I try and take on finances or volunteer work or whatever and it starts to stress me out. Do you see this pattern?
Do you struggle with something like this? You WANT, no NEED to have control of something, but its not you that is controlling the situation, it's the situation controlling you.
You need to be in control of your children's education so you start to work at the school and then THIS starts to stress you, the kids, the teacher out and their education declines...
Maybe you have an addiction? You go to IT to control your inability to cope, and the more you go to it the less your ability TO cope. I like the nail biting illustration. I used to and still sometimes do, bite my nails. I got nervous, especially around people so I bite my nails to do something with my hands so people would see me DOING something. But then wow, they started to look crazy gross and I LOOKED crazy. Now I was drawing unwanted attention to myself.
And what if it's not going your way? So you can't work at your kids school so you pull them out and try controlling the situation another way. What if, what if... it's not your job to control in a worrisome manner? Of course as parents we are to guide our children, but ultimately we are RAISING adults. We are showing them we care and we are giving them responsibility to FLY! I'm not saying don't work at your kids school or neglect them all together, you will know if it's what you should be doing.
Making a mistake, so what if I screw up and fall while I'm trying to control everything? GET UP. LOOK AROUND. Maybe you are being put in a time of waiting and trusting. Maybe you're to stay in that spot until circumstances change, maybe you will have to turn or maybe you will have to walk this mistake out. But learn from it, and move when the time is right.
I guess my little lesson for myself comes from a few friends I know that are going through some trying times (and actually some friends who are not). As I type this it is Sunday, grocery day, I am not able to shop today, I had to give that piece of control up, but I'm okay with it. In fact I am thinking about the positive in it. I am releasing control of those things that I cannot control and trusting in my God. It will work out. Christmas dinner, Christmas gifts and traveling. Family, it will all work out because I'm letting go and I'm HAPPY to do so. Okay...
Love you, love me, Love you, love me...!
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