12.7.11 Reaching Out

I have been determine to blog my mind, and sometimes that's hard to do. But I am determined to do it, so here (hear) it is. It's been months since we've been to church. The message "I do things I don't want to do". I thought about not making it to church. But then the second part, acceptance. Accepting God's forgiveness. He's forgiven me and I need to accept that. I don't get a lot of calls, maybe because people don't want to bother me? But I'm finding this so hard to understand. Just the way I'm sure God is waiting for me to "call" Him. I want others to call to check on me, I want text messages to say hello. If I don't answer, it's cause I'm not home or I can't. I need others to care about me. My church family. Blessed. They have been feeding my family (no, really FEEDING us food), for the last couple of months. Showing love. And Bill and I are learning to receive. Bill said something earlier. God is teaching us when to ask and who to ask. For so many people out there who ask, what can I do. Call me! Text me! Send me a message on facebook. Ask me about my diagnosis, how I'm doing. During a fundraiser that was held when I was first diagnosed, I had a few friends ask, ASK about my breast cancer, what kind, how I found it, what my treatment was going to be. How I felt about it. I also had a friend just sit and cry. She told me how afraid she was to come see me, how hard it was for her to face...it. Cancer. These people meant the world to me! This showed me how much you care! I'm sorry if all I ever talk about is cancer, if you don't want to hear about it, tell me, tell me it's hard to hear about it, to talk about it (I don't know unless you say something). I know there are those out there who will be unable to contact me, it's just too much for you. I still love you. I still think about you and I can only pray that we will be joined together in a world without cancer, without icky feelings of doubt or fear. But those of you who know and who are able, I am reaching out...are you? Love you, love me, love you, love me.