3.21.12 Alanon Lessons

I started going to Al-Anon a few years ago. My life was in shambles due to alcohol. I couldn't seem to gain control of it and heard about Al Anon. (I read about meetings in the newspaper). I went for over a year weekly and since have come and gone, same Wednesday meeting. I have met people who love me for me and let me process thoughts, feelings and emotions I have whether they have to do with Alcohol or not. Lately I have been thinking about my past, those people in my past and present in which I need to forgive or simply need to be forgiven from. I don't want to look at others and simply see the wrong they have/ are doing. I want to see my part in it and if I don't have a part, if others are doing wrong to me. I said today, I fall into old habits and patterns, because I am tired. But God says His yoke is easy and his burden is light. I will sacrifice what needs to be given, all if need be. So that I can be better, whole. I won't do it for me, or my kids or family or anyone, but for the will of God. I want to keep focused on the will of God, He is my strong tower! I already am physically tired and to be angry at anyone, just drains me mentally and emotionally. This includes myself. I can lay around all day being angry at myself for something I may or may not have said to someone else to make them angry. Letting go. Letting God. This also pertains to allowing God to work in others while I step outta the way. I would love to the the conductor/ administrator of those around me directing them which way to go how to go about it. But the truth is I really would just be doing it to get my way in their life. God knows them so much better than I do and can fix them much better than I can, so Letting go, Letting God. I will also admit I love to look around and see what a more wonderful job HE is doing, then I could have ever done. PS,one last though, what if I am here, fighting Breast Cancer, not becasue of anything I have or not have done, but what if I am here simply as a tool for God to get a message to someone....I'm okay with this. I am. I want to do His will I want him to know I am up for it and I love him and know that he will never leave me or forsake me. Us me Lord, for your glory, honor and praise! I love you LORD. Okay, okay love you, love me, love you, love me.