Sorry to be so gruesome. But it wasn't pretty folks. Thus "Ugly" in the title. I started my day as any other. EVERY day no matter how little energy I have, if it's a weekday, I get up. I get Lelly going (truth be told, she gets me going). Cereal and Juice. I run the dishwasher. I run the washer/ dryer. I pick up odds and ends around the house. I sometimes watch a little TV, sometimes crafts, (depending on the energy level). On good days a school lesson with Elizabeth (she's preschool so colors/ shapes that kinda thing). Today was the on-the-way up day.
Yesterday was a complete... no energy day. After my morning routine, I baked oatmeal cookies. I was so hungry for oatmeal and Billy asked over a month ago for chocolate chip cookies. So I forced myself to get up. As soon as they got done I parked myself on the couch. I mean I just laid there. Barely could watch TV. Just laying there staring into space, praying in my head. Bless my little dog stayed by me. Bless little Elizabeth kept asking me to talk. Bless the cat for laying beside me when the dog was outside. Then the kids came home, bless them, I just said I have to take a nap. I dozed off for a few minutes but then found myself laying staring into space again. I enjoy hearing noise at times, kids, TV, whatever. So I parked back out in the living room. There I lay all evening. The highlight of my evening was local news. Our "Anchorman" Darryl. I saw him in the grocery store the other day I asked him how many times he gets the I know YOU from somewhere look... He just laughed and said "too many times". After I asked I thought I wonder how many times he gets ASKED that. lol. So I smiled watching the news. Gotta love the small town Alaska.
Fast forward to today. Today after chores, after a little TV, cupcake Tuesday. I bake the cupcakes. Then I crash mentally/ emotionally. It's the..."I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I don't think I can do this".
We've ALL had that moment. It's not suicidal. It's not I can't go on physically. It's mental and emotional. It's I need to be hugged. I need someone to tell me I can do this. I know I can I just need to hear it. The marathon runner around mile ____. The addict whose given up the addiction. The mom who REALLY does need CALGON. The cancer patient in the fight for their life. You get the story, you've been there. So as I'm laying there in a heap of tears wondering why no one is calling me or I can't seem to pick up the phone. I pick up the phone and take a picture. I am you. You are me. We are ALL in this together. Male, female, weak or strong, happy or sad, we are in this together and I want YOU to know you are loved. I want YOU to know I am praying for you. The man I met for a minute or two on the airplane, the friends I've had since high school (since ELEMENTARY school), past co-workers, best friends, one-time friend/enemies, sisters and people I only know through others...I am praying for you just as you are praying for me. Love you, love me, love you, love me.
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