It's the evening day 7. Emotionally going through it all. I miss my mom so much. I miss just calling her. Telling her about my day, my kids, my life. So tonight I will go into the throne room. I will touch the very hem of His garment. I am sad, I am down, I don't feel heard.I have been in bed all day. By this I MEAN ALL DAY. This chemo drug that I'm on, one of the side effects is, if I am scratched or bruised it takes awhile for it to heal. So the other day I yelled. Yes, yelled... and I believe I hurt my vocal cords in there somewhere. So last night a wonderful night and Birthday party for my daughter. If you have ever been to a Bauchmann girl's party, there is always LOTS of noise, laughter, dancing and general noise! So this did not help my vocal cords. So today I spent the day in bed. Looking back I reflect exactly WHY I stayed in bed, when it was just a scratched throat. But the day is pretty much done and I'm feeling down about it. Regretful I guess. But I won't allow myself to be for more than today. The awesome thing about having choices, is that we can CHOOSE to change our attitude about the day at ANY time during the day. I can choose tonight at *whatever time* that I will turn it around. I choose to live a life with God in it, and this means I can feel sad, down, or not heard, but then I can go into the very throne room, touch the hem of his garment and my attitude will change. It will change because I choose for it to change.
For a second thought this evening, as I was eating dinner, Elizabeth would not sit still and eat. The other kids had eaten and found their places in the house to settle. Lelly had not. So I told a story. I said a quick prayer and the story of Zacchaeus emerged. I am a story teller. I love especially to spin, weave and elaborate to stories to children. They are easy to tell stories to, for me. They sit in wonder, ask questions, and generally are very honest. She sits question after question. I tell her I cannot tell the story if she is talking. So she stops and I begin. As I elaborate and spin and weave, her little mind begins to turn. I can see the questions in her face and I elaborate more.
Zacchaeus was a little man. He was about this big I show her with my hands. He was a man, like daddy only very short. Jesus was visiting his town. He wanted so badly to see Jesus. There were lots and lots and lots of people all crowding around to see Jesus, but Zacchaeus couldn't see Jesus. (I had Bill stand in front of me and I crouched down.) Zacchaeus jumped and tried and tried and tried, but he couldn't see Jesus. So then he saw a tree and he wanted to see Jesus soooo bad, he climbed that tree. When Jesus looked up He saw Zacchaeus. "Zacchaeus, you come down, right now! For I'm going to your house today." And Jesus went to Zacchaeus house.
Elizabeth filled with wonder and awe then asked "He picked Zacchaeus house to go to?"
PROFOUND.
We search, we look, we wait, we strain to see. We even (at the risk of embarrassment and safety) climb a tree and after all of this...HE PICKS US. If we know anything about Zacchaeus, he was the chief tax collector, a generally "bad" guy. He likes no one, no one likes him. He risks embarrassment and the safety of image, climbs a tree, CLIMBS a tree and Jesus says, "Hey you, I'm going to stay at YOUR house". Jesus later says, "I came not just for the righteous (church going, tithe paying, generally "good") people, but I came to seek out the LOST. How blessed I am to be one of the lost. Today, I climbed a tree and just as I thought I was going to fall, HE picks me. Blessed I tell ya!
Love you, love me, love you, love me
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