Hi kids! Today, today, today. What a day! Small Business Shopping. Fireweed Consignment, Inua Wool Shoppe, Alaska Raw Fur! First I drove my first born to his basketball tourney thing... :) I can't recall what it is called! Then shopping with Sarah Pie. Then a quick stop at Fred's and a nice quiet ride home listening to Christmas Music. Bill headed into town to pick up the man at his basketball thingy. Put Eliz down for her nap. This mean I curl up with her until she softly snores.. Next some beadwork for Christmas presents. Bill brought the big kids home. We listened to Christmas music, and the kids and Bill decorated the Christmas tree. I untangled bells. :) lol. Funny, but feeling so blessed, because last year I couldn't seem to move and I cannot for the life of me remembered who put the tree away, B says he and Olivia did it. Those crazy bells (a string of plastic red bells) look as though they were thrown, literally into the box. I'm still giggling about it. I am so much a perfectionist, this would've irritated me to no end, but instead I laugh! HA! With the tree trimmed we got all dressed up and took Christmas pictures. God has blessed us. Beautiful, healthy kids. A warm place to live. Christmas clothes! We are so blessed. LIFE! So, getting to this tears thing.
I have noticed in the last couple of weeks I tear up. I thought it was make-up so I switched. I thought it could be medication, but it's been happening longer then the meds I have been on. So last night I was praying, talking to God. "What is it God? What is happening with me? How come I rarely cry with emotion? Shouldn't I be crying all the time?"
"You are."
"Wait, what? When? I don't cry, am I going to now? I don't want floods and floods of emotion."
"I know. You are letting it out."
"Am I God? I don't feel it. I don't FEEL like I'm letting it go. It feels like I'm holding back"
"You letting it out, slowly, tear by tear."
"Why? Why not all at once? I don't want to all at once."
"Those tears. tear, by tear, You can't let it out all at once. I already felt everything for you. I took on your pain, your sorrow. You can't handle all that emotion, no one can. So I did. I sent my Son to be born and to die, to take your cancer pain and sorrow, because I love you."
"Thank you God, thank you God. Thank you God."
scripture: They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary. They shall walk and not faint. Love you, love me, love you, love me!
To me the wait, is giving it to the Lord, my problems, my sorrow, my pain. My cancer pain, my cancer sorrows. Blessed I tell ya! Blessed!
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