Ah, the first time I shaved my head, I made this big ordeal about it. I cried, I laughed. Tonight, none of that. Just me, the scissors and miss Elizabeth. I just started chopping. My night didn't turn out how I was planning, so I started hacking. I felt like "Kicking Bird" in "Dances with Wolves". Mourning? No. Just irritated. Since my diagnosis, I've been planning this. I called a couple of hair places in town to see if they would do it for free. No. Ha. Today it was bothering me soooo bad. I have a friend that lives a few miles down the road, she's a barber. She said she would do it for free. I'm still not driving 1 week 4 days left, but I had no ride. I just can't ask. I feel like I've used all my free passes and don't want to ask for more. Just irritated. Now, now I feel liberated. I didn't cry. It's just hair. I'll cry another day. I'll feel sorry for myself another day. Today is a day to feel liberated. Free, free from hair. Free from styling. Free from asking for help with my hair (although I REALLY, SERIOUSLY did a chop job on it, and Bill will have to fix it tomorrow). Tonight, it gave me joy to lose it. I don't have to worry about pieces falling out. I don't have to worry about styling it. I don't have to ask for free haircuts :))) I don't have to ask for a ride into town. and I love myself. I love my bald head. I am so beautiful! As I was cutting I was reminded of a friend, forced to grow her hair long as a child, she now wears her hair very short. Fabulous. I love it, I love her, her strength. She taught me about confidence it how she wears her hair. Tonight for a moment I was mad at God. For a moment "Why God, why me, why again?" Then, blessed. I refuse to ask why. I am blessed to HAVE hair to lose. I am blessed with friends and sisters who when reading this will wonder why I don't ask for help, and love me anyways. I am blessed with a husband and a beautiful little girl, who when she saw me when all done said, "Mommy YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL". Ah yes, It's just...Hair. Love you, love me, love you, love me!
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