12.14.14 Should I Relieve for Shoulder relief?

So as time would have it, I have time today. Saturdays and Sundays are so relaxing for me, or really should be???
   The other night was a doozy for me. Alot of pain physically. I chatted with a friend the other day and learned something new.
   I tend to carry a lot of stress about everyday things, kids, the house, finances, relationships. When I was going through the chemo that had tons of side effects and made me extremely ill, it was decided that my job in the family was to fight cancer. ONLY fight cancer. Now that I am on a chemotherapy that allows me to do more, we as a family and I as a person am finding WHAT I can handle, WHAT my job is. It varies from day to day. Some days, I feel like I can take on the world. Other days I wonder if I can get a load of laundry done. I also am figuring out not just how much I can do physically, but mentally and emotionally. Am I just being lazy? Am I sad or upset? Why? Should I be reaching out at this point for my mental and emotional needs? Who can I reach out to without over stressing them out?
    As a side note this is partly, just who I am. I am a thinker and like to figure stuff out. I would say I am a jumper too. Just do it and get it over with! This circumstance isn't really a get it over with thing.     I've got a long road ahead of me, I want to kind of make sure I'm packed with the right equipment. I also would like to know who's traveling with me for support and those who I'm dragging along, cause I think I need their support.
     To ease up on my stress, I like to get it all out there. Most of the time Bill and the kids are the closest ones so I unload on them. :( But as of this last week, I am learning I need to have outlets for my stress, for my recovery. I need to be able to look around and see who I can trust.
    Trust is a big thing for me as well. I once had someone tell me that they would do whatever needed to be done, to call them for WHATEVER. So I called, and they couldn't. At the time I needed a ride, but now I realize it wasn't about the ride. It was about needing someone, some to talk to. It would've taken them way out of their way. This gives me the opportunity to forgive them, and try and trust again.
    There are people that I am just having the hardest time with, I believe I am having a hard time trusting their genuineness, ahhh,
    This now asks the question, "What if someone wants to be friends with you, but you just aren't able to provide them with the attention they need.  You aren't able to give? Shouldn't we ALL be giving ALL the time? What if someone just BEGS to be your friend? To be in on the know? Ah, all of life's questions cannot be answered in one swoop.
 I love this blog, because it gives me the chance to unload without hearing the whining and complaining of those who are unable to take this on. Also I would hope to think, if this blog's not for you, don't read it. I know it's working for me.
   Also note to self, when you start blogging in the middle of the day, you find yourself sucked in for the rest of the day, whereas when you start to blog at night, you only have a few minutes then you have to sleep. (but you're not boring...) :) Love you, love me, love you, love me!!