First mention...Cancer

Ultra Sound. I took pictures with my camera outside in the waiting room before the appointment. Lelly and Daddy. Waiting with me. Nervous? A bit. A really nice tech made me feel super relaxed. We chatted. Had a difficult time getting good images (she said hard because of the shaped of breasts in general). hahaha! Radiologists came in after a looooong time away with tech. Or maybe it just felt looooong. I didn't really mind waiting. calming in the dimly lit room with the glowing computer screen, images of my breast still there. The radiologist pokes around with the machine and starts looking. He looks all round and when he gets under my arm I wince in pain. Owie! It hurts tears come to my eyes. It's a  deep pain. Almost like an inner pain. The kind of pain that's emotional brought on by surprise, then worry. Immediate worry. I make no noise and bite my lip. I tell myself it will only last a minute more and that just when I can't handle it, it will stop. And it does. I've had this pain the night before. My husband is helping me check and notice a lump or has it grown to under my arm? He checks and I wince. I think of him and the kids and tears flow. Owie! A rush of a thought and I'm back with the radiologist thankful that's over. His words. As he's talking I'm desperate to remember terms and words to relay back to Bill. Bill's an RN and will help me understand. Possibly and infection a deep infection. Mastitis. But most women show signs on the skin and won't even let the tech/ radiologist touch their breasts. I think I haven't nursed in a year. How is that possible. Then the radiologist said words like we need to keep in the back of our minds... not to worry you. A type of cancer that is in milk ducts. Not common. I felt my mind say "calm", "smile", "be okay"...I didn't want to give a reaction. Looking back I now see God's loving hand of mercy on me and Him creating my bubble. My bubble. HIS bubble of love surrounding me, enveloping me, protecting me. I walked out to the waiting room hold it in sat down told Bill and let it out. I though of my kids and Bill and my mom.....I I met with my Dr. after lunch and it didn't seem as light as conversations before. More solemn than before. But paperwork would be send in so I could travel to Anchorage to see the surgeon there. I honestly feel like I took a step that we're moving in some sort of direction.