So, everyone who knows me, knows that my kids are my heart. In fact there are many times I find that I am having to learn to trust God with them. I want to protect them so much, to watch their every movement, to protect them from EVERY wrong, forever. Mother's instinct, you would say. Where I am in my life, I am learning to trust God in every aspect, including my kids. It's hard. I'll give you a little background a bout me and my children. When Bill and I got married, I told him I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. We found out we were pregnant about two months after we got married. I was working at the time and had always dreamed of being a working mom, kids in childcare, having the best of both worlds. My mom was a homemaker, she never worked a day out of the house, we took our lunches to school and EVERYDAY after school, there she was. Looking back now I see a true labor of love. I see how my mom's mission field was her home. I see how God used her to bring GLORY to Him by raising us. The early years of my baby Billy was filled with learning new and different ways of raising our child. I was learning I was a different person than my mother, created to be a different mom. Billy was taken care of by my sisters Candy, Rachelle and Heather. At the age of 1 year and 1 month Billy entered into Early Head Start. His caregivers Ann, Nicole and Tracy loved him like he was their own. I have vivid memories of Nicole walking around the classroom holding Billy and rocking him as he cried for his mama. When he was 17 months old, Miss Olivia was born. She was my little dream. Always dressed in pink and often I told Bill "Juilliard". She spent the first six months of her life with me at work. It was heaven and I probably would've kept her there until Kindgerten had I not be told it was time for her to be loved during the day by others... My husband worked nights and would come home very early in the morning to sleep on the living room floor with Olivia asleep on a ginormous pillow on the couch. Bill slept with one had on her. When she was about 8 months old she entered a daycare at my husband's work and was loved by Miss Anita. I cried. I hated to drop my kids off at daycare. By this time our finances were so that I had to continue working. On my sick days or days off I had my kids at home with me. I couldn't stand the thought of having someone else care for them if I was home. I wanted so to stay at home all of the time by now. Working 40 hours a week and taking care of a family I realized just wasn't for me. Fast forward several years later. Bill and I decided our family was not complete, but wanting another child, we also decided I would stay home with this baby. My mother had been diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer and we moved out to her and my dad's property. We found out we were pregnant and over fresh moose meat on an open fire in September announced to my family. My mother's started chemo and in April 2008 I left one of the best jobs I have know. One month later, Miss Elizabeth was born. She made our little family complete. I finally was a stay-at-home mom, and I had MY mother to help. But God had other plans and in July 2008 my mother passed away. To this day whenever I pick up a laundry basket I think of carrying Miss Elizabeth in it or hanging laundry, with my mom on the porch talking to me. It has now been over 3 years that I have been staying home with Elizabeth and greeting my children everyday after school (minus during my trips to Anchorage). God has said that it's time for me to trust Him with my children in childcare again. We have made the very difficult decision to put Elizabeth in full daycare. To some parents this would not be a big deal, to me it's the world. I want my children near me whether I'm sick or well or tired or energized to the fullest. With Billy and Olivia, they are 12 and 10 and it won't be a big issue to have them home while I start and continue Radiation. Miss Elizabeth is the one I am learning to allow to grow. She is full of words and decisions and LIFE! She keeps me going and wears me out (at the same time)! I cry to let her go, but I am reminded that GOD is in control and HE knows what's best for me, Bill and my kids. Who knows this may last a day or years, but HE is in control and I trust Him with every aspect of my life including my children. God is good and His plans for me are to prosper and not for evil. His glory will be revealed and I will TRUST HIM. God is good...all the time. Love you, love me, love you, love me.
PS Radiology appointment changed to Friday 9A, more to post on that later!
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