and sore throat. Coughing. So today I was suppose to start radiation. Yesterday was the day they made sure teir markers are/were correct. I've already started out on the wrong foot with my radiologist and his staff and now this. I am telling you this is the worst I've felt in a loooong time. Mentally, physically, emotionally, just drained! I'm scared to death of radiation. I think it's because I'm not in control. I have to do this everyday for 7.5 weeks. No stopping, no skipping. This is so hard for me. I've been told horror stories about radiation and it just scares the crap outta me. The stuff about it burning my skin not sleeping at night. Not feeling very strong about this one. All of that on top of the fatigue. I already am tired, how much more tired can I be? CRAP. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Thank you all for listening. I'm going to make it through this because of all of you. When I write, I write to you and to myself. I write because I know someone is listening, somewhere and if someone is listening, I have to keep on. So they can hear my WHOLE story. Not just the ups. Not just the downs. The scary parts, the interesting parts and the boring parts. I love you all. Love you, love me, love you, love me.
PS Rads start next Monday. A HUGE thank you to Dr. W for standing up to Dr. S for me. He was trying to make me come in tomorrow with this crappy cold. This is the first Dr.(S) I'm having trouble with. Keep me in your prayers folks...Rads will be in Fairbanks. Still chemo (Herceptin) every three weeks in Anchorage.
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