10.10.12 Happy Birthday, my son

I'm in Anchorage. In Anchorage for my son's 13th birthday. I never would have imagined being away from him for his 13th. I want to feel down, upset, angry that I am here on this important day for him. But I am not. We got to celebrate his birthday last weekend. A wonderful afternoon spent with family and friends at "Go-Carts of Alaska". They have a neat little video game room in the back, and I have added taking my kids there when I'm feeling better. A Friday in the spring. Just me and the kids... :) So his birthday. I remember starting this blog, one of my biggest reasons, I don't think I have posted yet, but it has been on my mind, is for my kids. They already know I have it. They know I blog that I have a story. What they don't know is that THIS is for them. Someday they can read it, they will learn a little or a lot about me. They will learn about this journey I have taken. They will learn how I laughed, cried, smiled, cursed, and learned about myself. They will learn how I learned to love myself through some very hard times. They will learn that I am human. They will learn how much I love them. My heart bursts with love when I think of all THEY are going through. They are becoming teenagers. I am so proud of them. They are having to go through this very difficult journey of learning how to laugh, cry, smile, curse and learn about themselves and do all of this while they are physically, mentally, emotionally growing into adults. I am so proud, because I have the strongest kids on the face of the earth and I love them so much. This, BJ, Olivia, Elizabeth, this story is for you. This journey is for you. because I love you. I will walk through the fire and I will walk on the waves not because I can, because I am called to. I am called into a Journey through a cancer diagnosis. But more importantly, so MUCH more importantly, I am called to be your mother, the BEST job I could have EVER asked for. I love you. Love you, love me, love you, love me.